The long arc of the universe bends towards justice.
I have stacks of diaries from my early childhood. I have journaled my whole adult life. While these are full of joyful memories of events and people who blessed my life with goodness, they also chronicle many hurtful moments. Did putting these hurtful events on paper solidify their place in my long-term memory, or was this a choice? I know now that it was a choice. It allowed me to play victim in the scene scripts from my life instead of taking ownership. After all, I was a pretty convincing narrator of my own story.
With time and maturity, I realized I wanted to take a separate path of forgiveness. This alone is transformational. Forgiveness of others, but more importantly, forgiveness of myself for what I allowed, for the part that I played in each of the hurtful events. I wasn’t blameless as much as I wanted to believe it. A failed marriage that I wanted to blame completely on someone else but realized I couldn’t. Navigating that truth was transformational. Freeing really.
Psalm 37 started consistently showing up in my Bible readings a few years ago. It was often enough that I decided it had an important message for me to contemplate and internalize. I have a bad habit of being a “list taker.” This is an attribute of my personality that is less than ideal and contrary to the type of person I strive to be. Yet, if I’m honest with myself, I know that I tend to hold onto hurtful events and comments long after I should have processed the hurt and let it go. As with so many other life challenges, the Bible provides wisdom on this topic.
My daily prayer app, The God Minute, shared a beautiful reflection on Psalm 37:
The evil prosper, but don’t you wallow in anger. Do what you can and let it go. Remember the long arc of the universe, and how it bends towards justice. Set your feet on that path; it is true.
Be still, wait for God’s word to speak to your heart. Enjoy your life as it is. Find your work, love those around you, hold your head up, and teach your children.
Notice those who are honest. Join the upright. Make peace where you can. Trust in God.
When we choose to embark on a life transformation, we evolve into a new way of being present in this life. Our old ways no longer suit us. We begin the metamorphosis by acknowledging and healing past wounds. What about this situation is no longer working for me? What have I allowed to continue to hurt me through my own negative thought patterns? Often, the first person we need to forgive is ourselves.
In her book, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, #1 NYT bestselling author Lysa Terkeurst describes forgiveness as one of the most healing decisions to embrace:
“That person or people who hurt you, who hurt me—they’ve caused enough pain. There’s been enough damage done. So, what do I do with my pain? Acknowledge it. And what do I need to do with the feelings resulting from the pain? Own them as mine to control. Yes, the hurt was caused by someone else, but the resulting feelings are mine to manage.
And I can’t manage feelings I don’t own.
I can’t wait for another person to do something to make me feel better about the situation. If I need another person to make things right before I move toward change, I might stay unhealed for a very long time. I will paralyze my progress waiting for something that may or may not ever happen.”
Chapter 3, Is This Even Survivable?, pg 30
Staying unhealed is not the goal. Healing is always achievable. In most cases, it is your choice.
Call to Action
I once read about the concept of releasing past hurts by literally burning them. Writing each offense on a piece of paper and ceremonially burning them in a pit in your backyard. Why does this feel more like a scene out of Office Space than a true ritual of healing?
What doesn’t work for me might work for you. The key is acknowledging and releasing.
My mom once shared something her counselor taught her about forgiveness: when you picture the person who hurt you, try to see Christ in them, too. It doesn’t excuse what they did or erase the hurt, but recognizing the presence of Christ in another person can begin to soften the heart and make room for forgiveness.
There are many techniques, and there is not a one-size-fits-all path to forgiveness. The goal, however, is to achieve some form of forgiveness that frees your heart from living in the past; your transformation depends upon it.
Another important aspect of healing is understanding the context of how we will be judged at the end of our time here on earth. With limited time and so much to accomplish, do we really have time to concern ourselves with what others think and do or how they hurt us? Focusing on our transformation and our goals can help clarify the path forward, and we won’t get there by looking back.
Resources
In the next step of your journey, begin with the end in mind. The scene where you arrive at the culmination of all your life’s achievements. Your goals achieved. Your ability to heal has empowered you to reach your goals. What inspires you to let go of past hurts and focus on what matters?
I’m reminded of an inspirational poem written by Kent M, Keith called the “Paradoxical Commandments“, also known as the “Do it Anyway” poem. In 1997, Kent learned that Mother Teresa had put a copy of the commandments up on the wall at her children’s home in Calcutta. That discovery inspired him to start speaking and writing about the commandments again, thirty years after he first published them.
Do it Anyway
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true
enemies;Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
It is between you and God. Is there any better lens to view your thoughts and actions through than this?
Healing is a process. The older I get, the more I realize that my physical wounds take more time to heal than they used to. Yet my personal wounds seem to heal more quickly. Perhaps this is due to the adage that with age comes wisdom. I am becoming a person with fewer attachments—and attachments to past hurts do not suit the new version of myself that I am creating. What inspires you to heal?